How Depression has Made Me a Happier Person

When people ask me how I am, I usual say, “I’m alright,” or simply, “ok,” and some people respond with concern or condescension: “/just/ alright?” As if being manically exultant is not living a full life. I hate that response: “just ok?” To me, just ok is heaven. For me, just ok is hard earned […]

Being Gay and Grieving for the Holidays

Grieving for the Holidays
Photo by Dmitry Ratushny on Unsplash

I’m writing this the day before Thanksgiving. I’m weighed down with exhaustion – I manage a grocery store, and the holidays always hit us like a tidal wave. But I’m also weighed down with sorrow, with grief. As the holidays approach, I’ve felt an inexplicable dread come over me, and a deep grief. The sort […]

What I’ve Learned From Living with Suicide

Drowning
What I've Learned From Living with Suicide

Several months ago, I went to a family gathering. I’d worked all week, and I was exhausted. The event was miserable, and I felt incapable – truly, utterly incapable – of talking to anyone. I felt like I’d been drugged, the paralysis of exhaustion and family and socializing was so great. On the drive home, […]

Homosexuality and Doing Good

Over two years ago, I met the love of my life. Gentle, intelligent, and incredibly present, I knew from the first phone conversation that we would be together. I had only been fully out of the closet for about two or three years – not nearly long enough to reverse a lifetime of training that […]

A Mad Man’s Bullet Journal

I recently wrote these words in my journal: “I think social media and the internet, while a great gift, has also been a curse. I fear it has greatly exacerbated my anxiety and depression. It has robbed much of me. Turning – at least to a degree – to an analog life might be just […]

Why I’m Reducing Use of Social Media

Several weeks ago I made a decision: that I would drastically reduce my time on social media. It was an attempt to drain the shallows from my life – reducing the meaningless, easy-to-replicate tasks to give more time and space to the activities that create meaning and fulfillment in my life.

Exploring Depression in Games, Film, and Literature

As someone who battles mental illness, I’m always on the lookout for pieces of art, film, books, or games that describe the experience of deep depression. Depression – especially deep, harrowing, soul crushing depression – defies explanation or description. Part of its horror is that it leaves you speechless. So when I come across art […]