S. Bradford Long

LGBT Writer, Yoga Teacher, Esoteric Christian


In this episode of the Sacred Tension podcast, my good friend Justin and I have a long, raw, late-night conversation about our tumultuous religious upbringing in fundamentalist pentecostal and charismatic homes, our spiritual experiences, and the deconstruction of our faiths.


Jeff Brady says:

Steve, I enjoyed the whole discussion. My issue is the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I know you said you spoke in tongues. I have never experienced any manifestation of the Spirit. It is what is making me doubt. How can I be a new man in Christ and changed, sanctified by His Spirit and still be gay? Would he not change me? Give me new life?
I’m a 60 year old celebate, gay Christian. Why has He not fixed me?
This is where I am at. It makes me doubt everything. The problem is that I really love my church and the people there. They all know I am bent in that way and they love me anyway. They are all a bunch of fundies, but they bring me hope. I can’t do life without them. I just wish God would shore up my doubts. This is probably not going to happen. Maybe I just need to keep this quiet and go with the flow. They are my friends. I kind of need them.
I just need one of them to be willing to talk to me about this.

I am not where you are at. I still believe just enough to keep me from letting go of it all. Sometimes you just have to leave well enough alone. If I decontruct, it will be silently. I do not want to hurt their feelings. I love them.

sbradfordlong says:

Jeff, I hear the profound discomfort in these words. I can only imagine that it must be very painful to feel on the brink on deconstruction in such a fundamentalist setting. Know that you have a friend here, if ever you need to communicate.

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